i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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