i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
