Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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