Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
