Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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