You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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