So drunk, too bad you don't want this
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
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he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
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After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?