eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.