Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Randomize
