Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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