Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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