I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
