I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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