well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
how do flat chested girls get laid?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
