i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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