Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
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I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
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What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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