Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
i believe in u and ur pee
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