i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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