I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
