We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
