she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
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currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
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I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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