it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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