Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
