He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
