i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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