Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
