So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
