Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
