Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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