we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
