Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
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Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
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I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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