I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize