You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
