I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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