new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
