He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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