I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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