She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize
