Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
why does every cop we meet know your name?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
