I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
