and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Randomize
