Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
