seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
