You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
