9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
