My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
