they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
