i jhust puked up my retainher.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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