you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
