I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
