tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
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I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
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I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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