We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
