He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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