well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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