i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
