Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize