I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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