I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
