Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
