I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
