Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
