im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
