I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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