You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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