have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
